Dear straight women (and 90% of women in committed romantic relationships with men),
I want to clear something up about gender roles and lesbians and queer women not being ‘ladylike’.
As a woman who does not relate to men as idealized love-objects, I thank my lucky stars every day for not having to deal with some of the shit that you do.
The idea that I might have to avoid making somebody feel like ‘less of a man’ if I wanted to get laid sounds, frankly, fucking terrible.
Because, seriously. Sports? Video games? Ragging on somebody not because I think they’ll learn from it, but just because I feel like it?
Cursing whenever the fuck I want?
It’s awesome. And I love it.
And it’s really depressed me to realize that so many straight women and girls mortgage their competitiveness, and their desires to be powerful and take up space, for the sake of their love life and romantic future.
I don’t want to think about how much it must suck to feel like you have to choose between feeling powerful and strong, and coloring inside the lines of norms of sexual desirability.
But the fact that it’s so normalized doesn’t make it any less destructive.
So, to those of you whom it may concern:
Could you not take out your issues with the men in your life on women who don’t have any qualms about emasculating dudes who deserve it?
When you let a dude get away with being domineering and treating his insecurities as something to pick a fight with?
When you offer shelter to his toxic side?
When you do the little humorings of his bullshit that are as normal today as Ralph Kramden saying he was gonna punch his wife in the face one of these days was normal in the ’50s?
Don’t take issue with my being ‘less of a lady’ while aiding and abetting the men that represent the greatest danger to my health and safety as a trans woman in public.
Some women don’t have a womanhood defined by acquiescing to men for the sake of feeling pretty.